What made me consider marriage??
You know that saying that goes, “if you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans.” Well on a cold night in February I made God laugh. I had finally gotten to a point where I had decided that my ex and I would never get back together. Although I valued his friendship and planned for him to maintain a role or a part in my life. I just didn’t see a future between us, even though he expressed he loved me, he just wasn’t the man that I saw myself married to, and at the time I had already devised a plan. Here is where I believe God leaned in for the joke and probably called my mother over to listen in. I had decided my new five-year plan included saving to build my own house and have a baby somehow. The idea of marriage had been completely stripped from the table…completely. By this time I hadn’t been talking about relationships, or even thinking about marriage.
I was convinced that since I was not married, that I wasn’t going to go begging God to send me a husband, no way! I had decided I was done with that! One slight problem, I had just spent a year researching marriage, reading books about marriage, and learning what it meant to be a wife in every way. I entered into deep research, watched documentaries, read tons of books, even attended some online seminars about the topic. I had become a student of love, marriage and being a wife. All this because I had a desire to answer one simple question, that stemmed from doing what I just said I wouldn’t do; ask God to send me a husband.
While praying one day, I asked God about marriage, I told God I desired to be married, but suddenly I was presented with a question, “do you know what it means to be married, what it means to be a wife?” And that’s how my research began. I was on a quest to answer that question for myself. One video that I had come across was of a preacher by the name of John Gary who stated in one of his sermons, “A “wife” is not the presence of a ring, it’s the presence of your character.” Meaning that in order to be a wife, I needed to learn to think, talk, walk, and be a wife. Problem with that was is once I figured out what a wife looked like I realized how much about me needed to change and the biggest things were: I’m a spoiled brat (thanks to my brother and sister) and I’m a control freak. Trusting another person makes me feel out of control, practicing patience makes me feel out of control, basically anything that I wasn’t in control of couldn’t work, hence why I was single.
Enter Monday morning March 4th when a wrench was thrown into my plans. I met someone, more like reintroduced to someone. But I didn’t encounter just anyone, I met SOMEONE. Suddenly I was about to be put to the ultimate test and I didn’t even know it. After all, what is the point of doing all this studying just to find there was no test at the end of the course? I met a man who thought, walked, and talked like a husband, and what was he looking for a wife. And at the time all my studying had lifted me to a place where I had begun walking, talking, and thinking like a wife. The best part about this man was he was unexpected and I love unexpected things. The challenge is that we carried similarities…for better or worse some times.
I know you are about to say that’s what made her consider marriage; a man! But in actuality what made me consider marriage is that somewhere along the journey I didn’t want to run away. I mean don’t get me wrong when it comes to flight or fight, I am flight. Something gets too hard, or too scary, or I don’t get the results I expect; I run away. Probably why I admire my SOMEONE even more because he doesn’t run from anything, he may not want to fight most of the time but he’ll never back down from one. And that is what I believe marriage needs fighters. I’ve seen a lot of documentaries, talked to a lot of married people, read a lot of books on the topic and one constant about successful marriages even successful relationships is that each person was a fighter, they refused to quit or give up on someone they loved. Marriages I believe fail when people either, are unwilling to fight or run out of fight.
I know now at 30 years old (yesterday!) that if I truly desired to be married I needed to be with someone who was willing to fight as hard as I was going too. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor should you be getting married if you haven’t answered those same questions I did.
Hope you enjoyed this random #thursdaysthoughts!