So in several conversations I came across a topic that has been addressed by many and the idea is or the question is, “Is a woman defined by a man?” The obvious answer is no correct, and most women will say no. But still there is this thing about women that I have met who only feel complete in life because they have a man. Suddenly nothing else matters and life is great because they have a man in their life. Now, this is not for every woman, I am sure there is a great percentage of women who life is great rather they have a man or not, that their lives are without complaint rather there is a man in their life or not. But according to a few male friends of mine, they have found that within their circle of female friends, they would estimate that there is at least 40% of women who are constantly in the hunt for a man, or do not lead “happy” lives unless they have man. Either she is complaining about the man she already has, she is in search of a man to complain about, or her life does not seem fulfilled unless she has a man.
Then, there is this thing within this generation where statements like, “at least she got a man” has been given so much power. But what is the price of having a man? Some women will stay in clearly broken relationships solely to be able to say that they have a man in their lives, and even in my younger days I have fallen to that stigma, that it is better to have a man than not to have a man at all. Now, that I am getting older and “pushin’ thirty” as they say I have found even women within my age group trying disparately to climb “man-Everest” risking death of self along the way.
I have read so many books on how to become the kind of woman men will flock to. I honestly stopped reading self-help books for single women, because very few focus on the self, and focus more on helping you to get a man. The question still remains am I defined more worthy because I have man? Is my life quest ultimately to find a man?
Many would say no of course not. However, I have always been taught that your belief in something lies in how you live your life not in what you say. You can say a woman is defined by a man, but your daily actions, reflect a different story. Even, I found that for the better part of my life I have been focused on two things, getting a man, and being a better woman to attract a better man. After all, that is what the self-help books teach. It honestly wasn’t until I reached a point where I loved a man so much, that I had to think to myself, why don’t I love myself that much? Why is it not okay for me to be alone?
Of course, now that I have been single for so long it is difficult to even let anyone that close to me, because one thing I have learned of love and relationships is that it is a sacrifice, and love hurts. However, I carry this statement for my conclusion of this first part of thoughts, “nothing worth having comes easily”.
The greatest thing worth having is self, to truly know and love yourself without having to have someone else, to make you feel like if is great. Maybe I am naive in this but there is no greater love than self, you are the longest relationship you will ever have, why not spend the necessary time cultivating and nurturing that relationship. You are defined by the relationship you have with yourself.