Being that this is the beginning of a new month, last night I decided that I would spend an entire month praying. Prayer is a very important part of my life, it became important to me during the time that my mother was sick. I feel as though that is potentially the worst time to become serious about prayer, but prior to my mother getting sick and then passing away she had been the praying one in my family. If I need prayer I would just go to my mother and then simply thank God for the results. I cannot remember a time where I really prayed as hard as I prayed when my mother was sick.
This is the month that my mother passed away back in 2015. I can say that since that month I have come a long way but this year I want to go a little further in the healing process. However, the strangest thing dawned on me during morning prayer is how thankful I am, and how my heart is honestly filled with gratitude. So, not only will I be committing to praying each day for the rest of the month, I will also give thanks to the people in my life for just being there for me when times were hard.
Grieving is truly a journey, and losing someone is also a journey especially someone who is sick because all the while you are hoping and praying that they will recover and you can put it behind you, but then when they die a part of is gone and that is what happened to me. For a long time, a part of me was gone, and I had become a shadow of myself or something. I felt as though each day I was getting up and sticking to a routine just to keep myself from wanting to quit at life. I had no hope and I had no future and worst of all I did not know where life was going to go from there.
I remember coming across this Bible verse shortly after she had died, and the interesting thing is that I never even knew I had this verse committed to memory but I woke up one morning and I was just laying in bed not really wanting to get up and Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind.
I will say that I still do not have it all figured out. I still feel myself holding back from imaging a future because tomorrow is not guaranteed and we may never get there. So my focus is constantly on today, but I have allowed myself to every now and then hope for tomorrow.
This month I wanted to take things to a different level and my mother believed strongly in prayer, there was nothing that could not be solved with prayer.