I know many people might ask why or how a black successful and seemingly good woman is single? I’ve left many scratching their heads and I am certain that you reading these words have faced this question at least once in your lifetime. I know I’ve spent my share of time questioning the same things. By the age of 25 I feel like I had thumbed through all the literature presented by the world’s most renowned writers on the subject but each time I thought that was my reason, spent the night convincing myself that this was the primary reason I was single. Soon after, I found so many reasons that didn’t quite describe it well, until I found this one single thought.
During a conversation with my aunt perhaps three or four years ago maybe even more recent than that it was presented to me yet again a most valued question among society as if when conversing with a woman over a certain age this question most always present itself. “Why are you single?” It has appeared on the lips of many first dates and before I would cringe, rub my arm a little and try to think of a better answer than, “miserable heartbroken” or “tried of wasting my time”. After all I don’t know any man that wants to hear about a woman thinking already she could be wasting her time.
However, when my aunt presented me with her subtlety, my response was simply this, “someone has to chose me and instead of waiting around for some man to deem me worthy, or place his stamp of approval on me as the honor of being his wife so that I can prove to society that I am not crazy, nor am I bitter I decided to chose myself.”
With that came this important revelation “maturity” somewhere between the death of my mother and life passing on for about a year with no real purpose or direction, I realized that all my relationships failed because I didn’t grasp that one singular thought. It was within that thought that breathe life into every other aspect of my life but drastically altered the way I look at relationships. Simply put I had reached a point where when one relationship didn’t work out it was not the end of the world for me and saying “no” I won’t send you any nudes and “no” don’t send me any dick pics became quite natural for me.
I had moved away from the point of sort of knowing what I wanted to knowing exactly what I wanted and following threw with my actions. One of my mother’s many sayings was this, “life is a merry-go-round.” Life had a way of coming full circle and people who you never thought would come around to brighten a day or darken a corner come around and some times the same words are being spoken differently simply to confuse you and other times they’ve come around as a test to see if you have truly changed.
So why am I single? Black, Hispanic, beautifully made, educated, strong minded, strong willed immigrant girl from Panama single? Most would check all of the above and move on. All the reasons now make perfect sense all rolled into this, I’m unapologetically me. ✌🏾😘